I Was Here
by Valexian rose
Summary: I know I should feel something as my fingers drip with the substance that keeps us all alive. I also know that I killed these people, unwillingly.
1. Family and a Killer

I know I should feel something as my fingers drip with the substance that keeps us all alive. I also know that I killed these people, unwillingly. But you see theres no one holding the gun to my head with their finger timidly on the trigger. The mind is a powerful, yet powerless thing. It made me kill them, and it also didn't let me stop myself. I know that it's wrong to smile, but for some reason I can't seem to take it off my face. I guess it helps that I feel at least something in my subconscious, because the tears won't stop falling, and its blurring my vision too much for me to make out what the red mess I made is.

Maybe this is a good thing, at least now I'll get the right help. So when the blue and red lights flash through the windows it doesn't alarm me, it only makes my body collapse into itself. Before I know it my already blurry vision is spotting black as the police force the front door down. Gripping the guns as if I wasn't the one to call them. One of them follows the skid marks of nearly dried blood from the kitchen to me. To the path my body is crumpled up on, I'm still managing to hold onto consciousness, subconsciously. The officer kneels down next to me and touches my shoulder, shining her flashlight in my eyes, momentarily blinding me. I feel myself blink. I'm not really here anymore, I never really was. "Got a survivor!" No you've got the killer. She looks at me again, while another officer runs over, being careful not to touch anything. "Did you call honey?" I am too paralyzed to move, let alone speak as recaps of the scenes I created are still playing fresh in my mind.

I watch as they tape up my house and a car pulls up anew. I'm sitting in the back of an ambulance. My mind pounding, and my ears ringing. With their pleads and screams. I did something very bad. So I can't help it if my mind, being so weak, shuts away the world, and makes everything finally go black. My favorite color.

I find myself in a predicament, with the white lights around me and annoyingly loud beeping in my ears. I tell myself to sit up, so I do. Being met by an excruciating sting all the way up my back. White, everywhere, it's terrible. It reminds me of my mother's favorite flower, a Calla. Then again, you killed your mother. I feel my breath hitch and my eyes widen. It all hits me like a rushing train, full speed ahead. I hear screaming, so I cover my ears to make it stop. But it just keeps coming. I see doctors rushing in and saying something, but I can't hear them, if I'm covering my ears so well, why can I still hear it? In seconds somethings in my arm, and the screaming stops. My breath is short and I find myself gasping and panting. I stare wide eyed at the doctor who removes the needle from me. My hands move on their own and drop to their sides. I'm panting and the beeps are so fast I lost count.

The doctor looks so confused, with his hand gripping his hair and his eyes watching me. I swallow the spit thats in my mouth as the door opens again. A person, with the same face as the officer walks in and says something to the guy in white. He nods and glances at me before leaving. The door closes and the beep knocks me back into a reality that curses and blesses so many people. "Beatrice Prior?" My head goes up and down, "Can you look at me honey?" I stare at her the way an owl would watch its prey, wide eyed and attentive. She's tan, dark hair with light strips, green eyes. Like Caleb's. That voice is annoying me, I want to yell at it. "Hi Tris, I'm Tori," she gives me a weak smile. Why?

"Tori," I say rather quickly, but it sounds like a gurgle.

"Do you remember what happened?" She asks,

"Did something happen?"

"Yes, honey, something very very terrible," She says sadly, I'm not five, spit it out! She looks taken aback for a moment and stares at me, my mouth twitches and a corner turns up. "Beatrice are you aware that your family was murdered?" The smirk falls and my body jerks back, what? No duh, I've been trying to tell you. "You were in the middle of the... Mess,"

"You're asking if I remember anything?"

"Yes," She nods,

"I do," My mouth says before I think, but I bite my lip to shut myself up.

"Can you tell me?"

"I know who killed them," I say softly, looking down and staring at my nails, they have dried blood on them. "Who killed them Tris?"

"What will you do to them, when I tell you?"

"I'll do my best to lock them away for a long long time," The smile finds my face faster than the beeps. "I did," I say. She narrows her eyes,

"Tris, you didn't kill them, you hardly survived with the wounds you do have," My hand instinctively finds my back, "Thats a knife cut, almost to the bone, the knife was in the kitchen," I nod, sounds about right, when I pushed Caleb for being smart to me, mom was holding the knife and cooking. "My mother did this to me," I say proudly, Tori looks at me funny,

"After Caleb stopped breathing and moving, she screamed, father ran in and threw me off his only son, my brother. Who ignored me days to weeks on end, and when he did say something to me, it was to scold or complain about me,"

"Beatrice, why do you keep saying you did it?"

"If you could take my mind, and play it out like a movie, you wouldn't see anything, only red. As it coats the walls of my family house, as it fills and spurts out of the mouth of my mother," Tori looks appalled and horrified, "I keep saying I did, because why else would she have dragged the dirty blade from my neck to my tailbone?" Tori's eyes widen in fear, "She lived the longest you know," I say quietly. I watch as the rest plays out, my father trying desperately to revive his son, my mother crying and praying. I watch as my hand grabs the phone and presses the three buttons. I listen as my mother sobs and the operator answers, as my mouth says softly "My brother stopped working," I remember telling them where we lived, I remember I had fifteen minutes to kill both my parents and clean up the mess of my mind.

"Then why did you call us if you did it?" She snaps me from my movie,

"Wouldn't make much sense if my mother called and died on the spot now would it?" Tori nods,

"Are you feeling any better Beatrice?" Like she cares, but I nod anyway. I know she finally believes me, and that I'll get the attention I've craved since the day I was born. Tori nods and gets to her feet, "I'll be back in a few more hours with some questions, and my partner, okay?" I nod curty and gesture at the door, what's taking her so long, just get out! She sighs and leaves. I lay back and look at my hand, it's hard to believe that I was strong enough to close the pipes in my brothers throat long enough. The moments of attention on me were nice while they lasted. It was time to show them I'm not a nuisance, to show all of them that I am real, and more than capable of taking care of things on my own, that I was strong enough to stand out. Sad, that my mother didn't finish dinner though, her soup is the best ever.


	2. Black and a Heart

What's wrong with you? I ignore the question and stare out the window, darkness has claimed the sky, and whenever I look at it, it makes me think of my heart. I suppose I was always one to be dark. Morbidity was always something I had admired secretly. Sin, to me was funny too, I feel myself smile at the thought of all the lies and deception that crosses the lives of 7.2 billion people every day.

I suppose it would be common for me to ask myself "What's wrong with you?" But then it would take years of wasted money to answer the question, that a doctor will waste time a day with me to ask pointless questions. So said doctor can prove that he's more than certified to "fix" people like me. What he's really doing though, is spending too much time on me avoiding the subject until his superior walks in, then again, I would too, if I was paid by the hour.

I feel myself blink once, twice, slowly a third time, and suddenly I feel like I'm not there anymore. I yawn once and smile halfway through, about what is a mystery to me. Should I be a mental patient responsible for the death of her family, so be it. To be honest it doesn't bother me much._ Because you're running away_. So maybe I am, I don't run much so why not hit the ground with a tumble? To be truthful, if I was ever truthful, I'd tell you that I don't feel much. Despite how hard my fingernails dig into the palms of my hands. My eyes dry up faster than the tears came. Why isn't my brain letting me feel all of this pain that my body is?

My chest begins shaking and I feel my heart pounding through everything, to my fingers. I start gasping, I want to scream louder, scream louder and louder until the paper on the walls starts peeling and curling in on itself to lock me out. Scream louder! Louder! I want to feel something other than pain. My fingers find my arms and shoulders, maybe I can claw my way out of my impure skin. My nails dig, sound mutes, so I scream louder, _I want them to listen_. I feel hot streaking down my face, how come the doctors haven't arrived yet? "Get me out!" Dig harder, my arms bleed. I want to _feel_. "Get Me Out!" the screaming never ends, my fingers hurt, I'm burning, I'm burning! I scream and scream until my wails of agony and terror sound like croaks and my voice dies. A silent scream for mercy of my mind is all thats left.

Black hits me like a brick wall.

My ass slaps and shatters against the ground that I finally connect with.

The body I'm trapped in groans and shivers.

My eyes no longer see.

The black is heavy, it consumes the sounds my mouth creates.

A violent shiver rips through me.

Look up.

Shudder again.

Fall into pieces like the mirror of the family you were supposed to have.

Shatter until theres nothing left.

You won't feel.

You won't need.

You simply cease to exist.

Its like a nice floating feeling...

Until the pain comes back.

Then the memories flash.

Then the terror you forgot comes.

Then your eyes wish they still saw black.

You're back in hell.

Because your heart still wants to keep beating.

**Short note about this story, it gets crazy. It's slow. And it will rarely have updates. But, even so, please enjoy when I do post this. **


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